Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
