I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
