So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
