I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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