i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
