You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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