I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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