So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
