it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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