so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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