I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
