they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
