Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
