It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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