Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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