And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
