Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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