I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can I color on your dick again?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
