dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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