I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
