Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
