I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
