Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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