let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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