I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
