cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
