I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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