FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think my moral compass just broke
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
