Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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