end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
