My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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