Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
