Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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