Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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