Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
