I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
