is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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