mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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