It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
