We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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