can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
