fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
