i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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