I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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