Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize