remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Couch. On fire.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
