we have officially lost it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
