Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I enjoy the company of your penis
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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