im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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