No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
